Amy and the Terrible, Horrible, Very Bad Day

Do y'all remember that book as a kid? I think the main character's name was Alexandra, but I straight ripped it off to entitle this blog post. The more I've thought about my terrible, horrible, very bad day, (I know that y'all are surprised to know that I have hashed and re-hashed a topic - ha ha) the more that I have attributed it to spiritual warfare. I've been riding high on Jesus - really reading, journaling, praying, seeking, and starting a new (awesome) Bible study, following through on some tough truths that I feel like He wants for our family, and *screeeeech* Satan is tryin' to get all up in my biz. All up in it. So, here's the deal...and I'm gonna really, really try to keep myself out of trouble as I describe the terribleness of my day and why it was so bad for me...

So, I'm super pumped as I get up on Friday am. Word on my street is that the census at work is low, so there's a pretty good chance that if I call in the morning that I probably won't have to go. Awesome...since W is at Jimmy's Mom's house! Total Mommy day! I've got gift cards burning a hole in my pocket, funky feet that need a pedi, need a long run, and need to run the vacuum cleaner around the house. I make that phone call in my cheerful state and am promptly busted down with a "nope, 3 people have already been flexed (meaning that you don't have to come to work and can use a little vacation day) and 2 called out sick". Nice. Not gonna mention that I had been #3 to request. Just sayin'. Of course, I'm bummed, but am thinking, 'well, there's never any guarantee, so whatever'. But, I get there and I have to go to antepartum - ALONE!!!! ALONE!!!! AP!!!! Hello???? To my nursey friends, y'all are groaning and crying for me. Non nurseys...think about having to hang out somewhere that is not your favorite place, a place where you are a little out of your element, for 12 solid hours. It's kinda like solitary confinement when you are alone. ALONE!!! That's the kicker for me! Especially because in L&D it's a wonderful day and people are floating around without a patient, eating breakfast, smiling and laughing, kickin' it, just waiting for the possibility for some lady in labor to roll up. I, on the other hand, am running a whole unit of 4 patients alone. ALONE!!! Are y'all getting that word??? Everyone is in need...and there's only one of me. If the phone rings - it just isn't gonna get answered because I'm in a patient's room. Yep. ALONE!!! Nice. I will say that the patients that I took care of were all little sweet jewels. They were all sweethearts and very easy to care for. That was my saving grace. I was very able to put aside the fact that I was FUMING beyond belief!!! Without having to go into detail, I was alone and only 3 little people stopped to visit all day long. It was one of those days where nothing goes right...I had to wait on my patient's insulin, I had to call someone to come verify it with me so I could give it, I was going to wait to eat lunch with a couple of friends. Yeah, they ate without me because they got busy and forgot me. Nice. I ate alone. ALONE!! Finally, at 3pm, a sweet friend came over and relieved me so I could go home...although, I'm the guiltmeister, so I felt bad that I was leaving her in solitary confinement.

Thinking that life was gonna pick up at this point, I went home, got my gift cards and took my camera to a little camera shop down the street for some troubleshooting and to buy a new lens. It was gonna be grand. So...I get there and a few folks look at my camera and inform me that something is wrong with it. Yep, my wonderful Nikon d5000. Broken. I had a sneaking suspicion that something was wrong, but I was kinda praying that they were just gonna tell me that I suck at taking pictures and needed to practice. Nope. Broken. So, I sign some papers, and my beloved camera is going to be sent for repairs. But, not before I realize that it's out of warranty - by less than 3 months. Sigh. This day is getting worse.

I thought if I went to the mall for retail therapy that it would help. Oh but no. I did something that I am ashamed of - and I can't believe that I'm gonna admit this to people who read this - okay...don't judge...don't laugh, it was a moment of weakness. I went to Forever 21. I tried on about 15 outfits and EVERYTHING that I put on made me look like an oompa loompa with a Gigi's cupcake on top (not just a muffin). My legs were looking like 2 ham hocks. Grizoss. So, I left even sadder than I came in. I went to Bath and Body Works...and everything stunk. Every single scent stunk. What the heck??

Have I mentioned that my face looks like a pepperoni pizza, scaly like a dragon, and I have Mt. St. Helens right in the middle of my forehead that is about to erupt??

My husband ignored my calls and text messages for over an hour because, unbeknownst to me, he was at home asleep. I was worried because he had been driving out of town for work on 2 hours sleep.

Worst day ever. I found myself crying on the way home while listening to Jay-Z on the radio. I don't think it was Jay-Z that made me cry. It just was everything all rolled into one. I might also add (sorry Dad), that I haven't had a period in 65 days and I am like a stuffed, bloated, constipated pig with crazy sore rocks on my chest. And, for the record, NO, I'm not pregnant - I'm just jacked up like that.

Oh...and then I had to give my kid a suppository that night so she won't perf a bowel and get septic. Lovely.

Today was looking up a little....I had a free facial from the Kiehl's counter that Christy signed us up for. Wondermous. Loved the fact that no one was gonna be needing me for at least an hour. Of course, nothing can go right for me, and when the lady went to spritz my face with her water bottle, she picked up the wrong one and doused my face with alcohol. It burned like the devil and almost choked me. No lie. What did I do? I laughed. What else can you do? Sometimes things knock you down so many times that it's just humorous.

I'm gonna keep looking up. Maybe I'll never, ever have to be in solitary alone again. Maybe. Maybe my camera will be a quick, inexpensive fix. Maybe I'll wise up and never go to Forever 21 again - seriously, I'm 32 with a kid - that was a dumb move anyway. Maybe Bath and Body works will stop being stinky. Maybe Jimmy will get his stinkin' phone off vibrate. Maybe W will poop by herself regularly, and maybe the alcohol on my face will serve as a quasi-chemical peel and cause Mt. St. Helens to go back from where she came.

Spiritual Warfare. Yeah. Leave me alone, Satan. My God's gonna win anyway, so just move along!