Sweet Cinnamon Pumpkin

Hey y'all! It's fall. Well, sort of. I've worked very hard pretending like it is fall. You know, putting my sparkly pumpkins out on my mantle and in/around our fireplace. Lighting our pumpkin candles, melting Harvest wax, eating pumpkin bread. It has been really fun. But, one thing is missing. The weather. I mean, I think it's 91 outside right now. Why is my favorite season currently being ruined? I am absolutely tired of all my clothes. I do not want to wear sleeveless in late September and I am tired of getting ready in the mornings, just to leave home with my makeup beading off of my face mixed with sweat. It's ridiculous. I'm holding out hope that there's not much of that left before the magic happens.

If we have been friends for a while, and you have followed my lovely blog from the beginning (remember, back when the music played & then the company had to go all Napster on us and started trying to charge money, so you ultimately had to read my blogs in silence), then you know a few reasons behind my love of Fall & my favorite memories of the best vegetable soup (with noodles - THE ONLY WAY) made by my Mom, memories of Bama football Saturdays, memories of the burn piles in the backyard from my Dad (which, I am convinced, created my love for the now defunct "Fireside" White Barn candle), & memories of Homecoming weeks & sorority Initiations at the University of Alabama. Sigh. I feel so warm & fuzzy when I think of these things.

Lately, I have been a little off the grid on my blogging - and, I'm working on making it up to y'all. I have a couple of blogs in blog Purgatory that I am unsure if they are publish worthy. But, Fall changes it all for me. That's what this particular blog is about. Many people say that they come alive in the summer, or that they feel like they can change their lives on January 1st. Well, for me, those things occur in the Fall. People want to Spring clean? I want to Fall clean. Give me a crisp, clear morning, with a good long run, & I could really make some stuff happen. I've been thinking a lot about my favorite time of year, & I came to a realization about when Fall really clicked for me. Obviously, with my memories of it, I've always loved it, but I think this particular event changed the game for me. So, here it is:

My husband and I got married in February 2002. I had graduated with my Master's Degree in Counseling in December 2001. I pretty much knew as I walked across the stage to get my diploma, that I would probably never work in the field that I had spent 6 years of my life preparing for. How's that for a bomb drop in a semi-public forum? I was super proud. I had worked very hard & graduated Magna Cum Laude, I took it very seriously, & excelled at my studies, projects, practicums, & internships, but every day when I did my final internship working as a Counselor, I just wasn't that into it. I never felt like I was "good at it" or that God had given me the talent to do that role well. Nor, did I feel like I would ever grow to love it the way that I felt that I should. Yikes, huh? It's a crappy way to feel. I loved my program & I loved my friends, but I never loved the career. So, as I waited the two months between graduation, marriage, & a move to a new town, I searched for a job. Look, almost 15 years have passed & I can be honest & say that I didn't put a whole lot into the job search. I went on a few interviews, two of which I got offered the job, but couldn't fathom having to deal with what the job would entail, for chump change. Had my heart been in it, I don't think I would've cared about the money - obviously, right, because now I'm a nurse (ha ha). My last counseling job interview that I went on, I actually was excited about the job & thought I could see myself doing it. It was a killer interview & it lasted almost two hours. Who does that? Only someone who was planning on hiring you?!? The next day, we took my Mom to the beach for her fiftieth birthday celebration. When I got home, there was a bright & shiny rejection letter waiting for me in the mail. Nice way to cap off a vacation. I remember the night vividly. Suddenly, the gravity of having put six years into something that was going to ultimately mean nothing, really came crashing down on me. I'll spare y'all the ugly details of the next several months/year, but I was low & there was a lot of exercise, & not much food eaten.

I worked selling houses for the next year, which, I didn't dislike at all, I'm just not a fan of the business world because my mind doesn't work that way. We refer to it as the times in which I got to drive around in my (hooptie) Land Rover, listen to music, & drink Diet Coke. Ha ha. Doesn't sound half bad anymore :) But, the point to all of this story occurred in September 2003. As I said before, I was low. I was so happy in my personal life, but my professional life, just wasn't what I dreamed for it to be & that was very difficult for me. That particular year, Bath & Body Works came out with a Fall line. It was called "Sweet Cinnamon Pumpkin". Y'all know how much I love it. I'm not even exaggerating when I say these things. I bought some that Fall & I began using it while showering. You know as well as I do, that the shower is the place to cry, sing, pray, & think. Crazy stuff and epiphanies happen in there. September 2003, I used the Sweet Cinnamon Pumpkin daily & I began to think. Think about what I wanted for myself, for my future, for my family, what did I need to change? What did I want my path to be? Where did God want me? Because, surely, it wasn't counseling. My feelings and the slamming of the door in my face was clear. As I thought, I would formulate scenarios in my mind, to try to envision my life in different careers. First, I thought about teaching. History, because it's my favorite subject. Other days, I would think about taking the MCAT to go to Medical School, but I couldn't fathom another 8 years of school after all I had done already. I remembered my deep interest in Nursing when I was at Alabama. I remember watching my Nursing major friends study & talk about clinicals. I remember looking at my Dad's EMT books when I was a young girl & how I couldn't get enough. I remember when I was in college, feeling like I didn't know if I could cut the mustard as a nurse, or do all that it entailed. Now, at this time in my life, I was 24 years old, about to be 25 years old. With the background smelling like Sweet Cinnamon Pumpkin, I made the decision that I could do it. I made the decision that I was going to get healthy (again), take chemistry, microbiology, & pre-cal & grab life by the horns and do what God meant for me to do.

When I made these decisions, I began to feel as if God did have a purpose for my career again. It just was going to take me a long way around to fulfill it. Today, the smell of Sweet Cinnamon Pumpkin takes me back to that time, long ago, when I felt God pushing me in an uncomfortable, but exciting direction. It feels so warm, loving, & humbling. It makes me feel like I can do anything, & that there is purpose, & that He loves us and makes His mercies new for us every morning. I remember those moments when the days were getting shorter outside, but I felt like my life was beginning again. That's part of why I love Fall. The beauty in change, just like the leaves, the warmth of family & relationships & what is taking place inside our homes & inside our souls.

I hope that someone can relate to this somehow. It's just a deeply personal backstory to me and my love of all things Fall. Burn some Sweet Cinnamon Pumpkin this season & think about your life, what is important, how you can bless others, & what God has for you in store - even the things that you might have not yet tapped into. That's what I will be doing this Fall & every Fall that I am blessed with throughout my life. Thanks for reading, you guys & happy, happy Fall :)