Happy Mother's Day

It's Mother's Day!!! I never considered Mother's Day to be a big deal growing up. I guess because I felt like my main job on that day was to act right and clean my junk up so my momma wouldn't have to do anything on that particular day. But, now, I get it. Totally get it! Some people grow up dreaming of being a Mommy, playing with dolls, and planning the day that they would have their own babies all around the house. If I'm utterly and completely honest with y'all, I was never that girl. I had Cabbage Patch Dolls and I put basketballs under my shirt to play like I was pregnant, but it never went much past that. I was more interested in my other games of travel agent, doctor, ice skater, or teacher....okay, and Parisian cashier. Not Parisian as in Paris, but the store that is now known as Belk....okay, or Burger King. Whatever, you get it. I never dreamed of being a momma. Secondly, as my husband and I were dating, and even when we were engaged, we always said that we didn't know if we would have kids. We thought we might just be career people and travel a lot. Wouldn't that be fun, we said? We could go EVERYWHERE, we said! We would have so much money, we said!

Then, one day, I felt the maternal tug. I mentioned it to him. He said that he wasn't ready. I was okay with that and was willing to just let God do whatever He wanted. A few months passed. I helped women become Mommies at my job and grew to wonder what that was like. What was that strange world that my friends dreamt about? Wonder if Jimmy and I would be good parents? We loved our Labrador an insane amount...is that love the same? Is it close? One day, my husband changed his mind. He was ready, too. It was odd. We were officially "trying" to have a baby. Weird. Well, it didn't work. I took some meds - which made it more real - this was legitimately "trying" - like, I'm gonna ovulate (eek!).  It worked!! ....but, my body didn't, and we were not pregnant anymore, just about as soon as we knew we were pregnant. It was at that moment that we knew how bad we truly wanted it. We wanted to be parents. I remember when I called my Momma to tell her about my miscarriage, she said, "I didn't know y'all were trying! I didn't even know you wanted kids".

Fast forward about six years and two kids later...I think about the things in my life that I love and a lot of them involve my kids. Had we not changed our mind, I would never have felt the immeasurable joy of hearing "it's a girl" - twice - or feeling kicks and hiccups that are a beautiful reminder of life inside. I would have never felt the warmth of essentially holding your heart in your hands as you cradle your baby in your arms or hold your five year old's hand as you walk somewhere. I would have never felt the pride when someone says that my baby looks like me...or my husband, or the sheer happiness that overcomes me when I pick up my youngest and pat her upper back and in turn, she pats mine, too, or when I watch my oldest ride her bike without help.

I remember after we had our first child, I called my Mom and said, 'oh my gosh....is this how much you love me'? It was at that moment that I understood what it means to be a mother. Undeniable sacrifice. Unending love. Worry. Fear. Hope. Dreams. Prayers. All rolled into one. Being a mom is tiring. I'm almost always tired. I don't get to do what I want to do when I want to do it. That will change eventually when my kids are older. I get frustrated. I yell inappropriately sometimes and behave even more childishly than my preschooler. I pout, too. I don't cook much, and I'm not good at it when I do. I have good intentions, but there are a zillion moms who do things better than me.  But, at the end of the day. I love....and I always will. I want my children to know that I love them and I would give my life for them. In a way, I have. All mommies and daddies have. We don't take the extravagant vacations that we once dreamed about. We don't work 24/7. We don't have all the money that we thought we would have (mainly because I have a children's clothing problem - ha ha).

But....at the end of the day...in my opinion, we have it all. I thank God for changing our path and putting two little bitty girls in the middle of it :) Happy Mother's Day, y'all, to those in the trenches - knee deep in doo doo diapers, gymnastics classes, softball games, class projects, birthday parties, Sunday School memory verses, Pinterest projects gone wrong, boo-boos, name-calling, and monogramming; to those who chose not to walk this path of motherhood, but have been blessed by their Momma's and appreciate them; to those who are waiting to become a momma; to those adoptive mommies whose babies grew in their hearts and not their wombs;  to those who are being touched by the cruel hand of infertility and/or loss and are frustrated and sad today; and to the Daddies who keep it real by hanging in the trenches with the mommas and by being an example. We all rock!!! And frankly, none of us would be here without a Momma!!!!

 

Here are my little hearts :) <3 p="">