I am a runner. At least four mornings a week, I awaken to an alarm before the sun comes up, I meet my fabulous running partner, Natalie, out on the road and we begin to get our run on before anyone else is awake. When I'm not running with Natalie, perhaps I have ran with some of you that are reading this. Nonetheless, we probably met at zero dark thirty and ran as the sun began to make her appearance on the horizon. There is something really magical about that time of morning. I realize that some folks may be rolling their eyes hard right about now. I am a morning person. I feel most alive in the morning. I feel like I can think more clearly, and have more energy. Because of my job, I am up really, really early and have started IVs, delivered babies, and scrubbed c-sections before most people have even finished their first cup of coffee. Because of these facts about me, I frequently get to enjoy seeing gorgeous (can't I find a word to do it more justice?) sunrises on the regular...probably thousands of them over the years. I love seeing the small hues of lavender begin to creep up into the sky, some mornings it is a harsh orange that overtakes the heavens. No sunrise is ever the same. The peacefulness and newness of it all is really spiritual to me. Beautiful and new.
I suppose you could say that I like new beginnings. I mean, sort of. I hate change with a passion, so I wouldn't go as far as to say that I like to make new beginnings in my life...cause that would be a lie. I love blank slates. Y'all know my love for planners and how I so enjoy entering my "to-do's" each month in color code in perfect penmanship in my planner....and if you've ever worked with me on schedule day...woot woot! You know that I'm positively giddy...like backhandsprings down the halls of work, giddy. I also feel so blessed to help mommies and daddies with new beginnings for a career. A blank slate. Newness. Freshness. Life. Vibrant life at its beginning, and at its full potential.
I deal with life a lot, if you will. In my first (short lived) career as a therapist (which I'm convinced that I use those skills every single day), currently, as a nurse, and as a mom, a wife, a friend, a daughter, and a Christian. God tells us that His mercies are new every morning. Maybe that's why I love the idea of an early morning. There's a flip side to life, you know. It is death. I am forced to think about death more than most people, because I am a nurse. Every single shift isn't spent bringing life into the world. Sometimes, it is spent assisting a Mom in the hardest day of her life, a day when date of birth and date of death are one in the same. Sometimes, it is spent holding the tiniest life born too early for this world until he or she takes her final breath. Every great blue moon, it is the death of an adult. And this is only in the professional side of my life.
I am an optimist and a positive thinker by nature. I choose to follow my favorite verse in Philippians 4:8. It says "whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think on such things". Life is easier if these things are your focus. Recently, I completed a study of Revelation. It came at a time in my life when I was facing one of the biggest hardships/tragedies that I had ever had to endure. There was a lot of focus on suffering and the whys and the hows and where our focus should remain. The God that is here today is the same God that was here for Genesis 1:1 and will be here at the closing of time. He is the one that holds it all. I really began to think about these things and the gravity of life and the frailty of life and that (sigh), none of us are immune to death. Sometimes, I become overwhelmed with the thought of it all, if we are completely honest. It has been with the study of Revelation that I have began to think about death differently.
My grandmother passed away on Friday after a short battle with an aggressive cancer. My husband and I have, together, lost three of our grandparents in five short months. This, paired with the finishing of our study of Revelation, and my increased focus on the end of life and what it means has caused me to shift my focus a little. I love the sunrises and the new beginnings. I always will, and I will continue to enjoy them as long as God allows me to see them; however, I would like to place some more focus on the sunsets. How many sunsets do you think you have missed because you are too busy? Too tired? Don't find them as important as sunrises? I know that I have missed thousands upon thousands of them. I'm a mom, a wife, and a full time nurse. What is rest? What would it look like for me to watch a sunset and reflect on it? Probably nothing short of a miracle. One day, there will be a last sunset for me, for you, for all of us. There was just recently a last sunset for my grandmother. Will we take the time to stop and watch the sunset? How will we live our lives leading up to our final sunset? I want to enjoy the sunsets, too, as they are really just a different kind of blank slate.
That's where I am today. I will enjoy the sunrises just as much as I always have, but, I will concentrate a little more on what I am doing with the time between the sunrise of the day and the sunset...and then, I will watch some sunsets, and even embrace some sunsets, and inevitably, some endings. It is my prayer that during the hours between the sunrise and the sunset that I can make my God proud, that I can fulfill whatever role it is that He has for me on this Earth, to make someone's day a little brighter, live out my faith to the fullest, and to not be afraid. To love hard, like it doesn't matter what others think. And at the end of the day, when the sun sets, to watch it, and to be satisfied, filled with love and contentment, and to be proud...because one day (hopefully when I am very old and very gray), the sunset that I watch will be my last & I will open my eyes on the other side to hear the words that I want to hear from my Savior - a big hug, followed by "Well done, my good and faithful servant".
I hope that these things can become your prayer, too. I believe with all my heart that my grandmother did hear these words early Friday morning. There is no greater comfort in this life. If you're not sure about your final sunset, I might not have all the answers, but I can lead you to the One who does. I'm just a chick that messes up a lot - says too many bad words and likes rap music a little too much - but I know that I've been redeemed and I know that you can be too, and you can enjoy sunsets with an otherworldly peacefulness as well...all the way up to your very final one.
Love y'all. Thanks for reading. You're all due a funny blog....next time :)
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