Okay...they aren't all bad, the fashions, I mean :) I'm admitting that I didn't watch the show. I worked, I showered, I ate dinner, I did the "night before school night" prep, and that means prepping for C to go to the sitter tomorrow because I'm on call and it's gonna be busy. But, I've seen the pics...and that's all you really need...so, here it goes.
I pulled up the red carpet pics and the first one that pops up is Zoe Zaldana. Next honest statement: I don't know who the heck she is or what movie/TV show with which she is involved. That may make me an old loser. I don't really care, because, at least I'm not dressed like ThAt!!! She is wearing this crazy black dress with these ballet pink, silk, lingerie looking straps that are falling down around the middle of her upper arm...but, they seem like they are supposed to fit in the correct location, but ole Zoe didn't care about it, so they are falling. Those crazy rose things are on the dress and the bottom looks like random remnant fabric pieces sewn together in the limo on the way over. OH! Maybe she's not really popular, so she just got her invite like yesterday & someone had to run out to JoAnn fabric and find something and whip it up.
I found Sofia Vergara's dress to be rather large. Not in an ill fitting way. It's actually pretty. It's black and pretty plain - which is right up my alley. I wonder, however; if she has a date to this thing? Because, if she does, he can't stand near her with that big huge bottom on her dress. It looks very Disney Princess - well, a Goth Princess. Sounds like a good idea, huh? Maybe Disney would hire me and I could create a Gothic Princess and make me some millions....or not. Anyhoo, her necklace is a cool color and a nice touch.
Sandra Bullock good lord have mercy. That was a poor decision. The hair is aight, but I wear a ponytail about 60 percent of the time, too, so I'm probably not the one to ask on that portion. The makeup is good. Then, you get pink & blue together like a big baby shower and throw black over it. That's like mixing life and death. I don't know about that combo. Isn't Sandra supposed to be a sunny individual? I don't get it at all!! And, the asymmetrical hem stresses me out a little - even though I have a dress with it....but, I have OCD!
Wow! Julia Roberts. Pretty girl, odd outfit. Here's the gist. She put on a dude's white oxford shirt. She forgot that she had it on, and someone brought her a black strapless dress with a little belt for the Globes. She put the dress on without realizing that she was still wearing the men's oxford. She never got cold Sunday night. She never realized that she looked kinda odd until she saw the pictures after the fact. That's my take on the situation.
The Red Hat Society. Those were the four words that came to mind when I saw Julie Bowen's outfit. You know...the old ladies that wear those garish purple and red hats and shirts and go out to the Olive Garden for lunch and take up all the tables? That's it! That said...I think she looked amazing. The dress itself was perfect fit for her and a totally neat, streamlined style :) She looked perfect - and it's good to know that when she gets old enough to be a Red Hatter and take up the Olive Garden seats, that she'll look good doing it.
I know that America has a love affair with Jennifer Lawrence. Just pure hearsay, but she's supposedly a cool girl and says funny stuff in her interviews and is kinda like someone you'd hang out with at the Nurse's station and laugh. As established before, I don't get out much. I didn't read or see any of the Hunger Games books and/or movies. In my life, the hunger games are the preface to choosing what/where you are going to eat. So, that said, I have no vested interest in her and her dress, so I guess that's why it's easy for me to say that I feel like her dress channeled a mix between a sheath looking curtain with a black belt tied in a couple of places and a swan. Sorry....just not a fan - of the dress. I still wouldn't mind hanging with her if she's really that funny.
I think Amy Adams is a pretty girl. The dress was just sorta plain for me and kinda blended in with her hair. Reminded me of a very skinny tomato. That really made me sad to type. Julia Louis-Dreyfus rocked the same color. She didn't look like a tomato, but the top of her dress looked like a swimsuit from JC Penney, and that is just a bad, bad thing.
Yes. Y'all have talked to me about it, but I can't help it. I have a deep love for T. Swizzle. I realize there are polar opinions on her...you either love or hate her. I'm not gonna hide it. There's a good bit of her on my iPod. Okay? Got it. So, you won't be surprised when I tell you that her outfit was genius, gorgeous, and generally perfect. You can disagree. It's okay, cause I'm feelin' 22.
Cate Blanchett. Kinda goth. Kinda doily. Kinda princess-ey. Kinda gorgeous. I loved it!
This is an honest question: was Jessica Lange in King Kong as the girl who was on top of the building? Like the old King Kong. The first one? If so...then double throat slash. I hate gorillas/monkeys and she wore an ugly dress to the Globes. It looked like a badly upholstered couch.
Olivia Wilde is pregnant. I love pregnant bellies...as evidenced by my job choice. She really looked like she was feeling good. Do y'all know how there are sparkly paint jobs on some boats? Well, that is what her dress resembled. A bass boat from the late 80s with dark green sparkly paint.
Goodness gracious. I love Drew Barrymore. I think we would be instant friends. She seems so cool and so much fun and we could get our babies together and let them play while we hung out. So, I'm gonna do this like a band aid...fast, so it's less painful...the dress makes her look like a blooming idiot. :(
Amy Poehler looked so great. Not just because she's named Amy. Ha ha. She had one flaw...that itty bitty cut out in the middle of the belly of her dress. That was slightly silly. Other than that, it was good stuff. I also think that being funny makes one a million times more precious :)
Heidi Klum - did you purchase that dress at Charlotte Russe?? Did you get that choker at some random shop at the mall where they also sell dream catchers?? This is so unbelievably bad...especially for such a pretty lady with the best beauty people in the industry at her beck and call. Maybe part of her divorce settlement with Seal was that he got to pick her outfits for every awards show and his revenge is to make her look hideous!
My girl Reese Witherspoon. My doppleganger. I love her. I was disappointed, though. The dress looked like a Slimsuit, especially at the top. I just didn't feel like it was special at all. The color was nice. She didn't try very hard on the hair. Maybe because she has three kids and maybe she didn't have any help with them while she was getting ready. It was just okay for me.
No wrong. She does no wrong. Julianna Margulies. She used to be on my favorite show (ER). Her dress is plain, yet beautiful. Her hair is plain, yet beautiful. Total winner in my book :)
In the essence of time, and not wanting to monopolize yours...there are some people that I don't want to skip over, but I don't feel the need to do a lot of elaboration, so here's my opinions in short version.
Kaley Cuoco - the tops of dresses shouldn't look like bras, and you should get a root touch up
Laura Dern - dern. Looks kinda rode hard and....well, you know the rest....
Zooey Deschanel- TJ Maxx circa 2000
Emma Roberts- be glad you aren't chunky....you might get called Ursula
Hayden Panetierre - another one of my favorites, but I dislike black & white together, and you look better as Juliette Barnes
Jenna Delwan -Tatum- aren't you postpartum? That's not fair.
Monica Potter - who are you? You look pretty.
Guiliana Rancic- I am proud because I think that you ate a quarter of a sandwich :)
That's it, y'all :) Hope it was enjoyable!!! I've gotta take my wet hair, slippers, and PJs outta here and go tuck some kids in the bed. Night night!!!
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