Taylor Swift - I know that her name is met with mixed emotions...but y'all know I love her. Dude, she has legs for days!!! Her dress was perfect - looked so so so nice - and I even was digging the bangs. I wonder if they were clip on bangs from Sally's??
Nicki Minaj - so, on the red carpet, she was rocking a dress that was a cross between the color of a canary and chartreuse (which is what my Daddy used to tell me was his favorite color when I was a little girl and would ask ad nauseum what was his favorite color). Surprisingly though, I liked the dress. Somehow, I don't think that she's a real blonde, and her hair was a big wild mess. I would be amiss if I didn't address her cameo in
Justin Bieber - Okay....here we go. Being that I have a pre-schooler and an infant, I'm not hip to all things Bieber, so I really hadn't paid much attention to him. I bet his screen name somewhere ends in '94 or '95 or something....meaning the YEAR HE WAS BORN - not his graduation year. He's cute. I'll give him that. His clothes - dang. Are those cool now? If Jimmy Hall came walking out of our bedroom with pants like that and a wife beater on, I would laugh until I wet my pants. He knows better than that. Okay, the pants: a mixture between MC Hammer and man Spanx. What the heck? If he would've farted, he would have blown his red shoes off. Secondly, why was he grabbing his crotch?? Does he have a fierce case of the crabbies? Does he have jock itch and need some Lotrimin Ultra? Thirdly, that chain was huge, it was straight outta the 90s. And was it just me, or was his hat crooked? Is that the style now? Y'all all probably think all of these things are super cool and I'm just out of it. Whatever, since when is crotch grabbing cool?
Carrie Underwood - you do no wrong. Period. End of sentence. Dress, color, style. Pure Perfection.
Carly Rae Jepsen - Can't believe she is 26, first of all, and I guess I'm dyslexic because I thought her name was Carly Rae Jespen all this time. My bad. Her dress was nice and her figure is nice. I did note that she was rocking the bangs as well. Wonder if her and Taylor Swift got them as a 2 for 1 at Sally Beauty Supply?
Christina Aguilera - well....I started to write that my Momma taught me that if you had nothing nice to say, to say nothing at all...but that's not why y'all read the fashion review, right? Wow. She's rich, why did she get her dress off the Dillard's sale rack. Heck, I don't think that was Dillards, I think it was Ross. She's rockin' the bangs as well....actually, I'm pretty sure it was a full on wig. I saw her performance that night and she was two shakes away from a wardrobe malfunction. Plus, one of her dancers was a dude wearing a gold sparkly unitard with a hula hoop. Huh? Hot, hot mess,
Gwen Stefani - beautiful. She's like over 40 and had 2 kids and she still looks like the chick that I used to LOVE from the Tragic Kingdom CD. You know if you called my dorm in the Tutwiler at University of Alabama that my answering machine message was "Spiderwebs". "....sorry, I'm not home right now....I'm walking in the spiderwebs, leave a message and I'll call you back...."
Chris Brown - have we forgiven you for the brutal beating of Rihanna yet? How about your fight with Drake? Are you relevant? And, your outfit was stupid. Boom.
50 Cent - you did look like a P.I.M.P. Nice, dapper looking dude :) So classy looking! We've both come a long way since I used to rock your music on the way to the club in the early 2000s. Glad we've grown up....hope you love Jesus now, too.
Jordin Sparks - I forgot that you won American Idol. That show is tired and busted to me, anyway, so I guess that's why I forgot. Your dress was pretty neat and kudos on your weight loss. The last thing that I heard you sing was some song about a mermaid on Nick Jr. Ouch.
Backstreet Boys - one of y'all are gonna break a hip out there. Watch yourself.
Hayden Panetierre - you're cuter than you dressed on AMA night. I would, however; love to know what kind of skin care products and makeup you use. I envy your beautiful complexion every Wednesday night when I watch Nashville. Plus, I heard that you love dolphins and want to save them. I love that, too!
Psy - I'm gonna say this quickly and walk my lame self away. I wouldn't know Gangnam Style if I heard it and I've only seen the dance one time on the Ellen show. Ugh. I just lost credibility.
Ke$ha - God Bless America. Please girl. I think you could be pretty. Why are you always doing dumb stuff to your hair like shaving a quarter of it, or putting random sharp objects poking out of your head. What the heck? I realize that you're pretty and sick, young and bored, but dang. Quit.
Sean Kingston - you have on a windsuit at an awards show. Shoop Shoop. Yes, I call windsuits "shoop shoop suits" because of the noise that they make when you walk.
Jenny McCarthy - your body is bangin'. Weight Watchers totally worked for you. I wish you and Jim Carrey never broke up. I once liked you so much that I dressed up as you for Halloween and carried around a "Singled Out" microphone. I did get slightly nervous and embarrassed for you when you kissed the Biebs' neck, or bit it or nuzzled him, whatever you did. I think he could cry statutory.....
Gloria Estefan - you looked amazing! I love that you're not trying to capture your glory days and pretend like you can still "come on shake yo body baby do tha Conga" ;)
Stacey Kiebler - why am I wasting my energy typing your name?? What are you famous for? You wrestled in the WWE and you did Dancing with the Stars and you date George Clooney. I see nothing impressive here, carry on.
Bashing complete. Now I can celebrate Thanksgiving with a clear conscience :) Ha ha! Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours. I'll try to be less catty next blog :)
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