Reflecting...

Because that's what I like to do - and I'm home alone, which is about to come to a screeching halt sooner rather than later. Think about your life and the lives of those around you. Picture you hanging out with your friends from about 15-20 years ago and someone from the future walking up to you all and giving you random snippets of how each of your lives will turn out. I can picture someone saying to us, 'well, most of y'all will not hardly ever see one another, more than one of you will pass away at an extremely young age, more than one of you will move to another state, one of you will be an (almost) stay at home mommy who likes to sew, none of you will be living in this small town, one of you will adopt from China, one of you will become atheist, some of you will have children, some won't, some will struggle to have children, some will be surprises, only one or two of you will marry your high school sweetheart, some of you will be attorneys, nurses, dietitians, teachers, bankers, writers, insurance people, some of you will travel the world, some will just be content to stick around at home. Some of you will battle drugs, eating disorders, divorce, abuse, and depression. How about it? I bet that none of us at age 14-19 would believe a word of it...or we would look at each other in disbelief and say....'no way, not me....I'm not THAT person!'

For some reason, I think about this a lot. I guess because I think a lot about how our lives are in God's hands. I think He gives us free will, but I also think that He has purposes for us at certain times in our lives that we are to fulfill if we are truly listening to Him. What gets me really thinking about this topic right now is what I was doing a year ago today. A year ago today, I was in denial. Seriously? Really? Surprised, guys? No, not at all - because I'm in denial for a different reason today! Ha. Anyway, I was in denial a year ago today that in 4 days, I would leave my little bitty family for a whole big week to go to Ecuador on Mission. I've totally blogged about how life changing it was and how my relationship with Christ grew and just seeing outside of my little blessed box changed the way that I felt about things in general. I reflect back and think about if that dude from the future had visited me during that September week and said, 'hey...this time next year, you'll almost be a mommy again'. First, I probably would've slapped ole futureman & told him he was nuts and to go away because I couldn't get pregnant anyway. Secondly, I would have laughed in his face, and thirdly, I would have never, ever believed him.

I like to try to figure out the whys of things. Why things happen, why we go through certain situations in life. I'm pretty sure that I get it wrong a lot, but it's neat to speculate. So, I think that this time last year was in a way a foreshadowing for this time this year. Get that? I think that last year, God was teaching me that He wouldn't leave me stranded, He knows my every need and He wouldn't let me fall if I was following His will - which He did a very good job of doing ;) That experience has served me and Jimmy very well over the last year and is super intense on my mind now as my family is about to face a big shake up change - in a good way - but stressful nonetheless. I've said from the beginning that I believe this whole addition is God's will and a reward, but it doesn't make it any less daunting. Y'all know 'bout those sleepless nights and screams that you can't fix : / Ugh.  But, when I get afraid and anxious - I try to think about this time last year when I was sobbing in the shower because I didn't wanna go to Ecuador. This year, I'm not quite sobbing (yet), but I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't anxious about the next month, or two, or three, or okay....the next 18 years....plus. All of this to say, Hebrews 13:5 - Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” He said it, He meant it, He's legit on it. He's proven it in my life time and again. So....as I use that as my mantra for the next 18 years, okay....the rest of my life. I hope that you will think about it in your life too. When your life looks more like what our futureman came to you and said 15 years ago than what your glorious dream life self expected....think about Hebrews 13:5. I'm not saying I get it and get the trials, and get the reason that things go down like they do, but I do know that He has a reason. Heck, I don't even get it in my own life when I look back at my heartaches and hurts, but I do know that through it all, one true thing stands, and that's pretty much all on which we can count :)

Have a happy day, y'all :) Sorry for the deep introspect - although, you know you kinda like being in this crazy brain for a few minutes. Ha ha!