Okay guys, sorry that sickness put me under and away from the Grammy review. I must admit that I was really feeling the love that y'all gave a poo about my Grammy commentary! I hope that I wasn't gonna be so mean that the Lord struck me with a sickness so I'd be nicer. That's a scary thought!!! So, here it is...my opinion on the Grammy fashions - or lack thereof.
Nicki Minaj - OMG. Are you kidding me right now? Did she dress like Little Red Riding Hood for a reason? I know she's not trying to change her image to fit fairytales - that was evident by her actions as she rolled around and acted a tramp on stage. She is one of those peeps that I wonder how she would look if she didn't dye her hair all up and dress dumb. Probably pretty. Since I'm gonna be honest in 2012, I do LOVE it when she breaks into her rap on "Bottoms Up" by Trey Songz. Okay. Yeah. There are some really bad words, and since I try to distance myself from such, I pretend that the song is about Diet Coke and that she wants salt all around the rim-rim-rim-rim of her Diet Coke on the rocks. Whatever is good...right?? And as an afterthought, was that a face on the bottom of her dress? What the heck?
Katy Perry - totally one of those people that looks amazing and then has to do something idiotic. Every. Single. Time. This time she's rocking the gorgeous blue dress - amazing color - face looks good and then she goes and borrows shampoo from a Smurf and jacks it all up. I would hold my breath for when she finally gets it right, but I may die waiting...and I'm just not into that.
Adele - I kinda think she does no wrong. She's a big girl, but doesn't care - which makes her even cooler. Her black dress is utter perfection - her makeup is beautiful, as is her hair...but I could care less about ANY of that - because her voice is God sent. And...she seems like an old soul - which is just cool, too. In honor of her big Grammy wins, I think that I shall download her whole album to my ipod. What a celebration!
Rihanna - *whispers* hey....your roots are showing. really bad. She's kinda bad trampy....I guess if I had her bod, I might would slip into that black tramp dress too, though. Ha. I would totally draw the line at a tat with something about being a thug on my fingers. I kinda lost love for her with the Chris Brown beatdown saga.
Taylor Swift - this pains me to my core to write this. I almost want to let it slide and pretend like I didn't see the badness that was her dress or hair-do. The dress is straight up 90s prom. That turtleneck type thing with the hole above the boobies is just 90s bad. I love the 90s and all, but some things should just be left behind. This, my friends, is one of them. I think the hair looks like "oh no y'all, the limo is here and I didn't fix my hair yet!!! Let's throw it in a bun and go!" You know, like mine looks ALL THE TIME!!! Ha. She must redeem herself next time, because I love her.
Fergie - straight up, y'all. Why did no one tell her that she is wearing a black swimsuit with an orange cover up? That's what it is...I can't paint it any other way. Doesn't she have a stylist that busts her on that kind of stuff? "uh, hey Fergie, I know you like that black swimsuit and cover up that you just got at Target...but, maybe not for the Grammys, huh?" She kinda looks beat...aka, not Glamorous.
Lady Gaga - oh, I see that you are friends with Darth. Darth Vader? Yeah, how did I know? You straight borrowed his outfit and bought some polka dotted tulle at Hobby Lobby and hot glued it onto his outfit. Girl, I got your number! What's so sad is, she's one of those folks that dresses so out there and dumb that I have no idea if she's pretty in real life or not. Does she just ever get photographed wearing jeans, a tee, and some Toms? Or is that just too darn plain?
Carrie Underwood - you're gorgeous. You're the only person in the world that can wear a dress that's the color and pattern of the 101 Dalmatians and still look awesome. You look so amazing and cuddly that we should just sign you up as the 102nd Dalmatian and call it a day :) In case you're wondering - I love dogs - so this is a total compliment. I know some of you are still scratching your head wondering about me....
Miranda Lambert - so, I talked to somebody that knows somebody that knows somebody and says that you were a total skank in high school. Ha ha! I believe it 100%...but I think you've moved along. You're all married to Blake Shelton and I kinda think y'all are the real deal. Your dress kinda makes you look naked and you really rock your curves and your hair is cute. So, overall - I'll give you a thumbs up :)
Gwynyth Paltrow - I may have misspelled your name. Anyhoo, you look bad, and you've really only sang one or two songs ever, so I'm not sure why you're at the Grammys rubbing elbows with people who really do sing for a living. I think you should eat about 5 panfuls of brownies and wash em down with Vitamin D milk. Whole Fat. Then you should wash your hair and eat a hamburger and go have some fun. Cut loose a little. It'll do a body good. Listen to your husband sing - that would make me smile for sure!
Julianne Hough - Same mistake. Different awards show. Small recap. Amazing dress. Amazing body. Great makeup - minus the lipstick, because I think you forgot to put it on. Bad hair.
Kelly Osborne - when will people learn that it's okay to have hair color of "normal" people - you know blonde, black, brown, red, gray, etc. Purple is not okay. Looks a little faded-my-little-ponyish. Think maybe she wants to be Katy Perry??? Hmm.....
Paris Hilton - is your 15 minutes not over yet? Good gosh.
Jessie J - an interrogation: who are you? what do you sing? are you a transvestite? did you make your dress from a disco ball? are you wearing clip on bangs?
The Band Perry - I love Kimberly Perry and want to be her friend (still). She always looks so beautiful. The other Perrys kinda look like members of Journey from back in the day.
Robyn - OMG. I think this is the chick that sang "Show Me Love" in the 90s. I think it was on an episode of 90210. That was neither here nor there....because this outfit is atrocious. Atrocious, I tell you. Her face looks like a mugshot. A mugshot of someone who was caught doing something very, very very bad. Like death penalty bad. The ill fitting shiny white pieced together like a thrift store outfit is so horrendous that I can't put it into words. And, the platform Timberlands are unbelievable. You must google this to understand. I'm very good with words, but I just can't find any good enough to describe this.
Cyndi Lauper - you haven't aged much at all...I miss the awesomeness of videos on MTV in the 80s and making my parents watch the Top 20 Video Countdown weekly while I dressed like the singers and danced around. Your newspaper skirt was a true inspiration :)
Mark Anthony - the Latino Skeletor. I think you've gained maybe 1 or 2 pounds since the divorce. Good job. I also have noticed that you're already rubbing on the legs of another chick. Yuck. Don't know what the hype is...bc it ain't yo face.
LL Cool J - I LOVE you!!!! And, you're there with your wife...who has YOUR last name! Aah. My heart is beaming with pride. I love all of your songs and your lips are luscious. Okay, maybe I didn't need to add that last part, but I also heard that you said a prayer - and that's super duper cool :) I need love!
Dierks Bentley - because you're so cute, I'll overlook that you were dressed like a turd.
Adam Levine - hot as usual. Not quite sure why you dressed up so much - it was a good time to show off your tats. Why does your girlfriend not have a last name? She just uses the letter V. Odd.
Ice T and Coco - Ice T is better on Law and Order than he is as a rapper...and what about that Coco? Do you think she's had any plastic surgery? I'm still just so unsure ;) And why have I just now realized that they both have names that refer to beverages?
Lily Aldrige - don't know who you are...but, you're preggers and you look so pretty. I never look that good pregnant. Your nose isn't the size of Mt. Rushmore. How does that happen???
Billy Ray Cyrus - when I get on Wikipedia and look up the words "try too hard" - I see your picture!
Weird Al - your wife is kinda pretty. Pays to be "White and Nerdy", huh?
Chris Brown - when you won your award, do you think that Rhianna clapped?
There it is!!!! Hope you aren't disappointed!! I think I tallied 6 times that my daughter asked me "mommy, when are you gonna be done??!!" Ha!!! Because I always have to remind y'all that I don't write because I think highly of myself....here's a glimpse of my current wardrobe: hair in a bun, really bad color, no makeup, zits been picked at - because I can't keep my hands off them - flannel shirt - jeans unbuttoned - because I ate a doughnut brought to me from my sweetheart for Valentine's day. I should TOTALLY be reviewing fashion, right!!??
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