Bwahahahahahaha! I love fashion bust down!!! Mainly because it's fun to see these peeps that spend zillions of dollars that could feed an entire village of the starving totally miss the mark trying to be something that they aren't. Why did I just call that fun? Honestly, it's kinda pathetic. So is the way that I'm dressed currently. I always start by busting myself down so y'all will remember that I don't think I'm all that - I just call out the bad choices as I see them. Yes....that is me with half wet and half dry hair, no makeup, plaid pajama pants, a thermal shirt, and a random striped peach sweatshirt. Hottie! Ha. Without further adieu....
Guiliana Rancic - you, my friend, get a free pass on this round....and the next two or three as well. The feathers on the dress overpower you, but keep fighting the good fight!! She's a strong chick...and that's cool no matter how poofy the feathers are on your dress.
Claire Danes - remember when you were on "My So Called Life" and you were all awkward as Angela...and you got to hook up with Jordan Catalano? Yeah, me too. I've liked you a lot since then...especially when you played Juliet and I was totally obsessed with that movie and wore the soundtrack out. The past was good times...today, you've still got a killer body...but your hair is monochrome with your amazingly flawless skin. Your dress....um, yeah, whatever...don't really have an opinion either way.
Nicole Richie - Not your best look. Should've stayed home with Sparrow and Harlow. Dress kinda reminds me something from one of those nasty club clothes stores like "Body Central".
Missi Pyle - who????? You're pretty. 1 point. I sort of feel like the dress is a little bridesmaidish. Minus 1 point. So I guess we're back to 0.
Katherine McPhee - glad you went back brunette. Walk the dark side. You do it well.
Kelly Osborne - Pssst. Your hair is old lady color. You need to get your money back for the color...and the style. Condolences.
Octavia - I love "The Help" so much that I couldn't care less what you are wearing...because 'You is smart, You is kind, You is important'.
George Clooney & Stacy Keibler - I know Stacy is pretty and long legged and what not, but seriously y'all...step back - she has snagged George "hotness" Clooney and really wasn't she a WWE wrestler at the beginning of her career???? Seriously??? Hmm...then again, maybe he likes rough. Eww.
Angelina Jolie - Don't really get your dress at all. What's up with the red thing on the neck area? Maybe it's up there in case she smudged her red lipstick on it when putting it on! In that case...spectacular idea. Those arms look like they aren't capable of picking up her kids and if one of them lays on her arm to cuddle her that it might snap stone cold in two.
Debra Messing - I just like you. Don't really push the limits....always looks classy. I like it.
Michelle Williams - I think we would be friends in real life...and if we were, you would've probably asked me, "hey, what do you think about this headband?" and I would've said, "oh yeah, that sparkly sweaty band! I'm gonna wear one in my half marathon next month". Then our friendship would've probably ended....but at least she wouldn't have worn a sweaty band to the Golden Globes.
Tilda Swinton - I don't know who you are. I just saw your pic and the first thing that came into my mind was "oh! There's Powder's momma". So, I typed it.
Busy Phillips - I liked you best in "Freaks and Geeks". Do y'all remember that show? It had a really cool little cult following. Linda Cardellini (who I heart) was in it too....anyhow, I digress. In the particular photo that I saw, Busy looks like she left her contacts at home or she's mad at someone. Perhaps at her stylist, who suggested the ivory colored statue of liberty look that has groovy strands dangling down. Perhaps.
Charlize Theron - I can't believe that you are the same person that played Eileen Warnos!!! Craziness!!! Pretty, pretty girl, but I just can't say that I like the dress. I think that it's my issue. Asymmetry makes me insane.
Nicole Kidman - I'm going to pretend like you were too enthralled with your husband, Keith Urban, to notice that your dress resembled a white colored Spartacus. Ugh. I have something against those whack little straps that go up on your neck like that....and the beads....straight Bedazzled!!!
Zooey Deschanel - I think you're cute. I think your dress looks like a salamander. I think you spell your name stupidly. That's all.
Reese Witherspoon - I hate to say anything bad about you because I feel like I'm busting on myself since I get mistaken for you on the daily. Twice at Panera last week in a 5 minute period! So, I'm gonna say it fast and move on. On the positive note....your face is beautiful and your makeup looks great and the dress is a fun color for you. Sadly....I think that you probably just got back from vacation and are carrying a few extra lbs and didn't get to detox before the globes. Yeah, and I wonder why I have a jacked up self image. Boom.
Emma Stone - I LOVED you in "The Help"!!!!!!! I think it's funny that the first thing that I thought of when I saw your belt on your dress was the hood ornament on my grandparent's car from when I was a little kid.
Mila Kunis - you do no wrong. I pretty much can't say anything else. Stinking beautiful!!! I can even overlook the little random strap on the dress that I think should have been cut off.
Sarah Michelle Gellar - oh honey! I'm sorry that you had that pretty white dress and that Freddie had a blue pen in his pocket when you washed clothes and it spouted out all over your dress and you didn't have time to get a new one. That's a bummer. I'm totally pretending like that's what led to this travesty.
Jessica Alba - not sure why you even go to shows anymore....do you even have a career? You are very pretty though and always look put together. Hollywood is pretty shallow - maybe that's why you are still invited.
Jessica Biel - now, now. If you're gonna be marrying Timberlake, you're gonna have to dress better than that hideous gown. You are reminding me of something in a haunted house.
Heidi Klum - freak of nature. In a good way.
Helen Mirren - you are as old as the hills....especially by Hollywood standards. You have aged more gracefully than anyone I've ever seen and you always look so super pretty at these shows :) Yay!
Madonna - ugh. Gaga's ripping you off. You're looking hideous. I just don't get it.
Kate Winslet - bad choices. bad, bad choices. My heart will go on....hoping that you'll try harder next awards show.
That about gets it. Look for me to bust down the stars at the next show, from the privacy of my home, rocking a nonmatching, extremely comfy outfit all while watching some awesome display of Yo Gabba Gabba on Nick Jr. with my kid :) I joke, but I wouldn't trade my Mommy world for anything!!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment