CMAs baby!!! Time for the scrub wearing, tempo shorts rockin', patagonia pullover princess to act like a fashionista and bust these folks down :) ha ha. Enjoy.
Nicole Kidman - I just really don't see the hype. I'm sorry. Okay, you have beautiful skin. You have admitted to Botox, so clearly, you've had some help. I also doubt she's ever lathered herself in baby oil and laid on the trampoline in the summer to get a tan or laid buck naked in a tanning bed with a heart sticker on her lower abdomen to see how dark she was getting. The hair looked stringy and her dress reminded me of a black racer snake. And a choker? For real?
Faith Hill - Needs a highlight job. Yeah, sorry, boo. I also think that there may be a smuggling of something under that hair. Maybe you used a bump-it....or a birdcage. And why are you wearing white after Labor Day?
Carrie Underwood - your body is bangin'! I need the workout regimen that you use to get those legs! Dang! However, nothing says 'diva' like a wardrobe change - and it looks like you had several. The gold sparkly dress was gorgeous - mainly bc it was Reem Acra and that's who I wore for my wedding, so I have a soft spot in my heart :) The coral colored get-up with the big tulle bow looking thing on the hip reminded me a lot of Peaches and Cream Barbie. Y'all know how I feel about that tramp, Barbie. And, for the record, I didn't own Peaches and Cream Barbie. I played with her at my friend Ashley's house. Thirdly, the white Judy Jetson getup. Fail.
Taylor Swift - I still wanna hang out. If we did, we could maybe look at some different hairstyle ideas for the next awards show. You kinda do the same thing over and over again. It works, so maybe that's why you do it...I don't know. Your gown was a really neat color - kinda minty, wintery gray. I'm not sure about that thing at the bottom. What happened when you had to go potty? I hope the floor wasn't sticky and you had to drag it around onto the sticky bathroom floor. Yuck.
Reese Witherspoon - Hey. So, we're twins - everyone says so. Therefore, I can't bash your looks, or I'd be essentially bashing myself. I heart you and am glad that you didn't die when the old lady hit you with the car while you were out running.
LeAnn Rimes - Forgive me for this one, really. The mere typing of your name disgusts me. Your homewrecking butt looked ugly - not once, but twice. That first ruffly silvery dress thing looked like something out of the 80s and the black lacy number looked like someone trying to dress up as a slutty witch. You're not pretty enough to have your hair slicked back like that, either. Put that on twitter. Boo-ya.
Laura Bell Bundy - pssst....Halloween is over...you can stop pretending to be a peacock. There was no good reason to hold the chiffon of your dress out like you were flaring your feathers. Or since you're retiring from music, you're trying out for a vegas showgirl. Hmm...that's what I'm going with...You are very pretty, though :) Everything else rocked!
Ginnifer Goodwin - who? Am I supposed to know this person? I have a sneaking suspicion that I am. I like these colors together - like on a piano or a domino or on a dalmatian. Maybe just not this dress or if you put a streak in the front of your hair, it would kinda remind me of Cruella de Ville.
Jennifer Nettles - Love this look! I'm a fan of the sage-y color and the messy fun hair. Looks pretty and not like you tried so hard that you boardered on failure. Like it. Makes me even kinda forgive you for that song that said "all I wanna do-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-o-o".
Sara Evans - being that you are the wife of Jay Barker, I have to heart you. Roll Tide. I get nervous about the asymmetrical sleeve look. Maybe b/c I'm a little ocd and like equality and symmetry - maybe it's my issue - or the fact that I think it makes me look like a linebacker. The dress is just okay for me. Pretty color - really, it's brown, you can't jack up brown- pretty necklaces - nice shiny hair. I'll take it. I've decided that the bottom line with these award shows is: you just gotta get out without humiliating yourself.
Kellie Pickler - another potential hangout buddy. I bet she's hilarious! Lost some poundage - that's good. Kinda needs to fix that hair though - I think that the spray tanner, makeup artist, and hairstylist used the exact same color formula. Ouch. Monochrome is never cool for those things! Dress was another reminder of the MHS Beauty pageant....or Prom 1995.
Miranda Lambert - I think you're pretty :) Nice dress. Cute husband. Good singer. Seems pretty down to earth and regular. Maybe you can do my makeup sometimes. Yours looks good!
Meghan Linsey - Okay. So, I have NO idea who you are....but, I have one sentence for you: You are the blonde Snookie. This, my friend, is not a compliment.
Martina McBride - oh, I'm crying. I love you so - therefore, let's pretend like this night never happened and you didn't wear the heinous black bedazzled pantsuit and the dark matte 90s throwback makeup and that your pants weren't wrinkly at the crotch. Okay. We'll never discuss it again. Promise.
Lauren Alaina - I didn't watch American Idol, so I have no preconceived notions. Your dress reminds me of Barbarella though. I think you tried too hard.
Kimberly Perry - I. Love. You! Love your band. Love your songs. Even am kinda okay with the white (gasp), doily-esque dress. Mainly bc it's you and I'm proud for you. Love, Amy.
Kimberly Williams - Paisley - pretty color, pretty dress, cute husband, nice figure, pretty hair, seems nice. Yeah, the whole package :)
Hilary Scott - another Reem Acra...so, I'm automatically biased. Anyway, it's a pretty color and you look pretty. I just don't have anything fun and exciting to say about it. Next.
Reba - stop. just stop. You were awesome back in the day. Fancy was the bomb and I went to 2 of your concerts (don't hate, don't judge). You went so downhill with your tv show and the pitiful acting that my dad and I would joke on every week. Then you tried to make that clothing line that my work friends were joking on on Wednesday. Now you come out in this green velvet dress with sequin backpack-ish straps that are putting a half Nelson on your breasts. Retire, honey. Always remember: retirement before humiliation. I half expected to see a pair of Bass Bucs on your feet :(
Natasha Beddingfield - what are you doing there? You haven't sang anything since the song "Unwritten" in 2006. And, bless your heart, you were underdressed. That sucks.
Hmm....I didn't have much nice to say tonight ;) Ha ha. I will follow them all up with a "Bless Their Hearts" - that totally negates everything bad when you're a Southern girl!!!
Amy, your review of Reba owns me. Seriously.
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