Hmm...what's that you say? Yes. We have established my hatred for all things summer. Many inquiring minds have asked what summer has done to make me turn against it so. Ya wanna know? Here goes.
1. The sun. Yeah, that's just it. The sun is neat. I'm really glad that God made it. It lights up the Earth so we don't have to fumble around with Coleman lanterns and little flashlights all the time. It also burns the heck out of you. Why can't it just exist and not cause severe pain to those who are just out enjoying it? Plus it beats down on you and makes you tired.
2. Sunscreen. How icky do you feel when you have sunscreen on? Eww. I always feel like I have an inch thick of a peanut buttery substance all over my body. No matter what, it feels like a film all over you. Bugs get caught up in it and junk....and what if you miss a spot? A random shape of a 3rd degree burn on some unsuspecting part of your body. Just not cool.
3. Shorts. Yes, I too hate shorts. Quite possibly bc my legs are shaped much like Chicken drumsticks. Not meaning "chicken legs" like they are skinny, but you know that big meaty part at the top of the drumstick. Yeah. That's how the top of my thighs look. Not appealing in shorts. Not to mention, I really need a cbc (complete blood count - for the non nursey's) and tests of my clotting factors bc I have random bruises all over my thighs. Hot, huh?
4. Weeds. I dislike weeds. I dislike weeding flower beds. Let me really be honest here, we don't have flower beds. We have shrub beds. I have the grim reaper thumbs. Plants cry when I walk by. I think that the flowers at Lowe's talk to one another when I walk by and look at them. I think I may have heard one praying "please, don't let her take me home". Weeds grow way too fast in the summer, and then I feel obligated to pull one or two. It's just too much.
5. Humidity. Who made that one up? Yeah, I get it...it's summer, it's hot. But, when you just straight up can't breathe in? Naw. That's stifling. That's why I've spent my summer on the treadmill. For the record, it's impossible to run if you can't take a deep breath in. It's kind of an important part.
6. Swimsuits. Honestly. I know that I have issues and am weird about getting in a swimsuit in public bc all of y'all are jokin' on how fat I am and how much cellulite there is and how white I am. All of those things aside....who decided that swimsuits are fine to wear, but if I show up somewhere tomorrow wearing my bra and panties, I'll be in the back of a cop car headed to the precinct? No sense. I have underwear that technically covers as much or more than a swimsuit that I own. What the heck?
7. Summer sports suck. Any season that doesn't have football is a waste of time.
8. Getting ready sweat. What sense does it make to shower, dry your hair, put on makeup and a nice outfit when you are dripping in sweat the whole time you are getting ready? I've gotten so ticked off before that I've just given up and threw my (newly washed) hair in a ponytail, washed off the makeup, put on some scrub pants and called it a day. Too darn hot. You know you're gonna have a crappy day when it begins with a sweat-a-thon that has nothing to do with working out.
9. Mosquitos. They love me. I don't know if my blood is yummy, if I smell special, if I give off a vibe, I don't know...but they love me. I would almost enjoy chilling out outside with friends on a summer night if those stinking bugs wouldn't attack me. Sometimes I won't notice and I'll have this awesomely fun night and in the next morning, there are these massively swollen bug bites all up on my legs and arms, and God forbid, on my face. That's just gross.
10. It lasts too long. Summer in the South lasts for-flipping-ever. I could deal with it if it was only a month or two...maybe even if it was really the 3 months on which it's scheduled...but nope, it's like a bad disease. It lingers on, and on, and on. In my mind....September = hey let's break out a cardigan and snuggle under a blanket while we watch a football game. In the South, it = hey, bet we could go to the pool and lay out...oops, I'm outside and am about to have a heat stroke. No fun.
Maybe this clears up a little confusion on the hatred of summer. I know there are a couple of cool things about it...hmm....maybe I could think of one....maybe watermelon. That's all right. I could take it or leave it. There's always SEC Media Days. Does that count? Um...my Dad's birthday? Hmm...lemonade. Yeah, that's good. Homemade Ice Cream ....NOPE....I hate that, too!!!! Boom! ;)
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