I thought that maybe my fashion reviews of awards shows was starting to get old and redundant. Then, I took a look at some of the Grammy fashions from 2011 and realized that I have a few comments to make. Of course, it then took on a life of its own & here I am. Enjoy.
Kelly Osborne - pretty dress color. Maybe a little Easter-y. You actually look normal. I find it a little funny that you are doing the skinny, blonde thing because I feel like you have been so anti-that your whole life. Whatev. For the record, I (and all my friends) know that was someone else's body that your head was photoshopped onto on the cover of shape magazine. That chick had a collarbone that could cut glass. You are a round girl. Embrace it. Don't lie to us.
Lady Gaga - was that a pupa that you were in? I don't get it. A pupa? Supa dupa! (Wonder Pets reference shout out for all the mommies reading)
Barry Manilow - what? Enough said. You look like an old Clay Aiken.
Guiliana Rancic - oh me, oh my. I'm not knocking fertility issues - I had 'em myself....but, I'm really, really, really thinking that if you ate a few sandwiches (and didn't run them off, or puke them up) that you might have at least somewhat better of a chance. Your poor little frail body is just doing all it can to keep you alive....let alone another person. Oh wow. Nice dress. Sad situation.
The Situation - borrowed his shoes from Reverend Run from Run DMC
Selma Blair - you're pregnant - you look super cute pregnant! Your dress is okay, but the pregnancy glow trumps it all :) I bet you don't even waddle when you walk! And...I don't see pitting edema yet!
Snooki - why are you there? Your bangs are straight outta the Aqua Net late 80s and I would like to know if you sleep in a bump-it, too?
Gramma Funk - I have NO idea on God's green Earth who you are...but I have just seen your picture and my eyes are bleeding. It's unbelievable that no one told you that you are humiliating yourself or that the dress was accidentally sent to you in the wrong size - obviously you put it on and just didn't realize.
Mario Lopez - in my mind, you will ALWAYS be AC Slater, wearing black stonewash Z. Calvaricies (I have NO idea how this is spelled) and a black tight tank top tucked in.
Miranda Lambert - beautiful face...bad dress - another case of the Reynold's Wrap
Paul Wall - I just found out that you were white...and I just realized that your name rhymes and it made me laugh. I said it aloud a few times in a row, just for giggles.
Ciara - that dress is BAD. It reminds me of a slutty Pocahontas going to the prom.
Anna Nalik - pssst....there's an ostrich hanging from the bottom of your dress. Oh, and pssst...have you written a hit song since "2AM" in 2005? Just asking.
Martina McBride - you do no wrong in my book. Come be my friend. I would have told you that your designer left off a sleeve from your dress. Smooches!
Jewel - I thought you were preggers! Where's your bump??
Kathy Griffin - see previous posts. GO AWAY!!!!!
Paramore - Hayley Williams has on a dress that she might have picked up at Party City during their Halloween sale. She might have picked up her haircolor in the aisle at Wally World. But, all of those things said - I heart her voice and her music, so maybe I'll let the fashion faux pas slide!
Kim Kardashian - I'm just gonna put it out there - what have you done to be famous? I have searched the world over for the answer and I can't find it. Could you just fade into obscurity already? I do admit that your skin is utterly flawless, though.
Selena Gomez - can you tell me how you fixed your hair, because this is how I want mine to look. Love, Amy.
Bruno Mars - I wish that I hadn't seen your face - or that frizzy pompadour. I thought that pompadours were tamed with lots of greasy type stuff. Hmm. I love his song "Just the Way You Are". I don't want to picture him associated with it :( Boo.
Eva Longoria - is that a beige version of the Liberty Bell on the bottom of your dress? Are those biker shorts I see peeking out from under your skirt in case you go to recess and decide to turn flips on the monkey bars? I know, I used to do that, too.
Jennifer Hudson - oh friend, you lost all that weight! Why you gonna jack it up with that hideous dress? The top of it kinda looks like silver electrical tape over some chiffon. Ouch.
John Mayer - You look disgusting! You are totally rocking a 70's molester porn star mustache/goatee and sunglasses combo. Eww.
Natasha Beddingfield - pocketful of hideousness.
Rihanna - are you wearing white garland draped around you a bunch of times like a Christmas tree? or are those numerous pipe cleaners encircling you? Another case of pretty girl, bad dress. Oh....wait, wait....you just left a bridal shower where you have to make a wedding dress out of toilet paper. That HAS to be it. Whew. Glad I figured that out...
Christina Aguilera - I'm hoping that the pic that I saw was just from a really bad angle. I saw a glimpse of Ursula from The Little Mermaid. Just stating the facts. You know you're googling Ursula and Christina from the Grammys right now. Do it. You'll see what I mean.
Willow Smith - see previous posts. I see DHR hasn't come to see you yet. I'm sorry. It just keeps getting worse.
Leann Rimes - I rip you every time. I have to do it again. You look U G L Y - you ain't got no alibi - you're ugly, hey hey, you're ugly. You know the cheer. Homewrecker. And, you need to blot that face. Shiny Happy People was a song. It's not cool for your face.
Miley Cyrus - y'all know I'm a lover of the Miley. Except the whole bong/salvia/idioticness thing. Stupid. So...I don't like your dress, but your skin is to die for! PS - just say no.
J Lo - I bet you've had some work done since you had those twins! Good job by the surgeon. Maybe he can implant a g-tube into your husband and you can force feed him. He needs mega calories.
Katy Perry - do you really have on wings? Wings are cute on my daughter when she's dressing up as Tinkerbell. They are very effective on maxi pads when you are on your period. If you are a Christian, you will get wings when you get to heaven and become an angel. Please, don't wear them to an awards show. Not a cool idea.
Justin Bieber - your outfit is too old for you.
Eminem - you are brunette too :) Hi! I think you are lyrically brilliant. Okay peanut gallery - bust me now. Whatev. You listen to him, too, when you are not in public. And you hang with Dre. I love him as well! :)
Beyonce - pssst. another secret. I don't think that African-American people can have blonde hair naturally. People know yours is fake....the secret is not safe.
Kate Hudson - my jaw is dropping. Bad bad bad choice. I think you may be wearing spandex in a blue that isn't navy. Only cool for superheroes. That gold stuff on the back of it worries me as well. You are usually so stylish! Eek.
The bottom line is that there were a lot of bizarre outfits and bad ideas on the Grammys 2011. Maybe by next awards show, someone can enlighten me on how to fix my curls like Selena Gomez so I won't have to keep practicing and being a failure.
:) Love :)
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