Thankful

Warning - I'm pensive tonight. Don't read expecting my usual self - 'cause you're gonna get a little more raw & a little less sunshine and unicorns. I'm hoping that's one of the reasons that you love me, though. Here's what I'm thankful for right now...

So, Thanksgiving has come and gone. It was rushed this year. It just randomly appeared out of nowhere & is gone like a vapor. Little Miss Fall didn't even get out the pumpkin pie plate decoration or turn the Halloween pumpkin into a turkey like we did last year. We didn't even carve a jack-o-lantern for Halloween. My Thanksgiving consisted of working - which, honestly, isn't a big deal - I resigned myself to that fact when I became a nurse. It was a lovely hilarious day with girlies that are truly my second family. I hate how Thanksgiving is glossed over by the mainstream. It is a big deal. Family is a big deal. Broccoli casserole and sweet potato casserole is a big deal. Okay, maybe not the last part, but Thanksgiving is huge. Not the day, not the date, not the month, but we should ALWAYS give thanks. Thanksgiving in general is important. Have you ever really, really just thought about the luxuries that we have. My family and I do a tiny shard of struggling, but in the scheme of things - we are crazy rich. I'm a woman who gets to work, I'm free to make money, I'm free to wear what I want, I walk around with my Bible on my iPhone. I wear a bracelet with a Bible verse on it, I meet with a group of ladies on Tuesdays and study the Bible without fear of someone coming and shooting us all. This is not everyone's reality. Sad. Basically, I am thankful that I have no worries (relatively speaking). We are blessed. It is my hope that God's hand of blessing always stays upon us - I'm not sure that it will, considering the way that our country is going - but I hope it does. I hope that I can change my mind & open my eyes to what "being blessed" really means in the eyes of God. Everywhere I go, I am faced with Bible verses or connotations reflecting the need to turn my eyes away from the things of the world. Colossians 3:2, Matthew 6: 19-34, etc. I know this is the message that God is meaning for me at this time in my life. Obedience is hard and scary, though. It's hard to buck the system of the mainstream world. Jesus was the original rebel. Seriously. He never said it would be easy...but He promised it would be worth it.

I'm thankful for running. My readers are all aware of my love/hate relationship with getting my lazy duke up and making it happen at least 3-4x/week, but it has been life changing for me. I'm very candid & open about my ridiculously long term problems with anorexia...so, I'm sure I'm not enlightening anyone to anything that new...if so, yeah, here it is. I get crazy sometimes ;) ha ha. When I'm crazy, I fall off the face of the earth for a while. My friends begin to not be able to find me easily, I hide from everyone and avoid any social activities surrounded by food - or anything else for that matter - because I know y'all all are thinking that I'm fat and ugly. It gets hard for everyone around because I get so antisocial. This used to happen quite often....and it still does, irregularly...but, since I have begun running, it's like I've been given an okay to eat. It's a whole calories in vs. calories out mentality. I can get crazy with the numbers, and I do from time to time, but as a whole, running keeps me sane. I think when I run, it decreases my anxiety, and when I run with a friend, we can talk about things we might not talk about otherwise. Sometimes when I am anxious or feel huge or stressed, I crave a run - better than craving a binge of krispy kremes. It sets me free. It "allows" me to eat lunch with my friends, to have dessert with my friends, to not be wierd-o about eating in restaurants with my husband & daughter, and it makes me not be crazy food lady in front of my baby girl. I actually consume lunch regularly. I have hated running my whole life, but I believe that God knew that I had to have some way to stay sane so I can stop the crazy disordered eating mentality and the crazy way of thinking that has perpetuated over generations in my family. I may pass on my ham hock arms and my cellulite booty, but I WILL NOT pass on the way that I think about them!!!! I CANNOT pass it on to my sweet daughter. I love that she sees me take care of myself and run for health. I tell her that "running makes Mommy feel good and it's fun". I thank God for bringing running friends into my life who have helped bring this past-time into my life and give me back a little control! ...just in case my good buddy GV is reading - I don't owe it ALL to running...maybe only 30% ;)

There's more....but, I feel like I've overstepped my boundaries tonight. It's pretty raw. Sorry. Can't say that I didn't warn. I'm gonna run away now in case y'all think I'm wierd. Tender and pensive. Ha. Maybe it's because I'm sad for my sweet Bama boys...maybe it's because of Crystal and Methelina that I met on Thursday...maybe it's because of the incredibly sad Disney movie "Santa Paws" that we watched on Friday night...or maybe it's just because I have a full heart, but there you go. It's not always sunshine & unicorns....