I remember my very first license. I remember the day like it was yesterday, really. I was sixteen. I'm pretty sure my mom checked me out a little early. I killed that drivers test and got my pic made. I wore a gold turtleneck. Who the heck wears a turtleneck for their first license pic? I mean, it was 1994, so maybe it was the thing to do. I remember getting into my very own car at my mom's work and telling her "bye" and driving off. Like whaaaat?? As a parent now, I can't even imagine. My mom probably cried in her office. I popped in my CDs and opened the sunroof and drove home. I couldn't believe they had just turned me loose on the road like THAT! I went home, changed clothes & went to cheer practice. We sat on the old stage (which no longer exists) and made signs for the game that Friday. My life suddenly seemed so different.
I remember my license from right after I got married and got the funkiest short hair cut. It was one of my favorite licenses because I felt like a legit adult, with a short hair do, a new house, a job, & a new name. I remember staring at it for hours with my new name...not being able to believe that God had blessed me with this life. Standing at the brink of something so big, feeling like I knew it all, but also knowing I was just winging it...also known as true adulthood.
The license before this current one was kind of humorous. I laughed when I looked at the picture, because I was the only one who knew that I had just nursed my then one year old in the car and left half of my Nursing bra undone, so it was flapping in the breeze. I was also alone, so I had a baby sitting between my feet while I was sitting in the chair trying to smile for the pic and hoping she didn't take that opportunity to take off and ransack the license renewal area. I was so stressed out while I was sitting in that chair. I needed someone to come hold my kid so I could get my stinking license renewed...& to call me out that I didn't even re-hook my bra after Nursing. Who knew that it would end up kind of making me not only smile and laugh at the memory, but also feel like super momma because I handled it like a champ that day...no ransacking occurred, & no one got squirted with milk.
So much has changed since that initial sixteen year old license. The last sign that I made was for my husband's 40th birthday a few weeks ago. I don't own CDs anymore...frankly, my kids think they are artifacts, and I hate turtlenecks. I have gone through several cars and I drive my daughters to practices instead of having practices of my own. My name on my license is different now, and has been for over 15 years. My hair has been 3 different colors and various lengths since then and I have had a few career paths. I go to bed a lot earlier, exercise is a priority, as are facials and serums, and I have turned into a bonafide morning person.
I think this particular renewal hit me hard because I turned 39 a couple of days ago. Birthdays make you think a lot...about who you are and who you want to be. How your life is going, where you want to improve, what you need to ditch, and who really cares about you. I praise God frequently for the people He has placed into my life who love me unconditionally...even when I'm a Debbie downer mess. I still look around and just feel so blessed with the life He has given me to live and the people He has given me to love. I hope that 39 is my best year yet. I'm striving to love my husband and babies so well. I'm striving to be the best version of me. I'm striving to be true to myself and to my convictions. I'm striving to make more time to be quiet and sit before my Lord. I'm striving to make Him more of a priority and a lot more obvious in my life - because I'm not good at it. I'm striving to know when to be quiet and when to speak up. My husband is the ultimate master at that & I have a lot to learn. I'm striving to show others love and striving to realize that some people just aren't gonna like me, or are going to believe untruths about me, no matter what I do or say, or how contrary I try to live...& that is okay...I'm not saying it is easy for me, but I have to learn to not let it consume me. It's time to get that lesson....before my next license renewal. I have til 2021.
When I think of today's renewal, I will smile at the thought that I spent the day with my littlest love at bible study, had lunch with my momma and one of my daughters, taste tested Peppermint Bark at Williams Sonoma, & was the über for a gymnastics lesson. It is so crazy the way time changes and passes. Things won't be the same next renewal. My bra will most definitely be fastened. My girls will be 9 and 14. I will be rushing to pick them both up at school. Lord willing, I will be a Nurse Practitioner. I will most likely be alone and I won't have to make a courthouse pit stop because a little girl needs to poop. Maybe I will have enough time to have a lunch date with my husband. Each stage is so important and so special. I am thankful to have birthdays and license renewals to help me reflect on every beautiful stage of my life.
As an aside, for those who care...I'm sorry that my blog posts have been so sporadic. I am writing more for research and school projects these days than for blog and entertainment. This will always be my favorite type of writing....I will do my best to not forget about my itty bitty blog! It's like my diary! 💚
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