If you know me super duper well, you know exactly what I mean when I say that I've been "in a funk" lately. When my "funk" hits, I'm just not myself. Everything I am and everything I'm surrounded by is questioned. Everything I'm doing with my life is questioned and pondered. It's like random existential crises that arise & I'm left like whaaaaat? It's usually that just when it's getting kinda deep, I come out of it & realize that my thoughts were somewhat ridiculous & I go on about my business til the next crisis hits. Probably in 4-6 months. Such is life.
So, in this funk time, I've been seeking and wondering, buying some new books, doing some praying...(but never enough)!
Part of the realization that I have come to is this: my biggest job is that of wife and mommy. Obviously, Christ follower is number one...don't misconstrue that, even though I jack it up all the time. I get insanely caught up in pleasing others and if so-and-so likes me and if I've upset someone and if I am good enough for fill-in-the-blank, what people think about me, etc, that I forget that people who love me unconditionally - yes, even people who look up to me and people who my words are insanely important, life altering, even....are right under my nose. Every day. Every single day. Remembering how I made them feel. Watching how I interact with them and their Daddy. These girls that God gave me. These gifts. And here I am being too dang busy wondering what so-and-so thinks about me. I'm totally convicted.
So, I've seen this quote before and loved it, however; there was a big debate on the blog comments from which I first saw the quote, so I kept my opinion to myself- I hate to be "that person"- but, here it is. I love the quote, okay. No shame. I feel like I spend an awful lot of time trying to succeed everywhere else, like making sure everyone is okay and that I've not ruffled anyone's feathers and making sure that everyone likes me and thinks I'm nice and fun and people want to hang out with me and I'm funny and pretty and skinny. I spend a lot of time listening to things that say I'm not any of these things. Thus, the funk. But, again, I've got a house full of peeps that think I'm these things and then some. All that and a bag of chips. See where I'm going? I can succeed everywhere else & spend my time smoothing feathers and making the world happy & falling into funk after funk, or I can succeed at home. I can love this fabulous husband of mine and these tiny gifts from God (who love to eat all of my food and are needy as the day is long).
Being a Mom is a daunting task. I am in the phase of life where I have to hide to eat chocolate & I find myself saying odd things like "don't lick your sister" or "no, you can't put lipstick on the dog". It's strange, though, I was texting with a friend tonight who is in a different phase of life. Her son is graduating from high school. We talked about the bittersweetness of it all. She said she knew it was time for him to fly. This will be me one day. Even though it seems like never, when we are on the 28749th question of the day and I have to jump on the dadgum trampoline again with them, it will happen one day. And I want to say that I've succeeded. I want to see my kids grow to love Jesus, love people, and fulfill their dreams. I want them to be confident. I want them to look back upon their childhood and know that I had their backs & that I love them unconditionally. I want them to know that I am here for them no matter what. Mainly, I want them to physically feel my love with them everywhere they go.
Success in the home. That's my ultimate goal. I pray that I can make those that love me - without me even having to try - proud.
Happy Mother's Day!
I know that the Adversary is the Gardener of doubt... He wants us to doubt ourselves and our abilities. I know I don't need to say this, but You are an amazing daughter of your Heavenly Father. Your daughters have an awesome example of what a Mom should be. I for one am lucky enough to have met you and witnessed your example and the love that you give to other's so freely. Each person in this world is on their own path, some can appreciate and recognize the individual blessings people bring into their lives, but some people are not in a place to or just are not able to see the gifts God has given them and we can not make them. We can be the best examples possible, share with them kindness and service, and offer them a Sister's (or Brother's) Love. You know sometimes you're not always happy with your siblings choices, but you still love them unconditionally.
ReplyDeleteI know I've gone of on a tangent, but You are an awesome person and you give so much. I for one know how unexpected life can be and I know that we are not promised a long life. Life is a gift and each day spent doubting ourselves and allowing the Adversary to defeat us is a day lost.
I Love the quote you shared and I agree wholeheartedly.
The fact that you even made the post should show you that you're on the right path.
Know that in the short time I spent with you, I am thankful for knowing you and learning from you.
I can only imagine how beyond blessed your family is for having you as a Mother.
Apologies again for the tangent... I'll end it simply with well wishes & a Very Happy Belated Mother's Day.
Somehow I missed your comment and have just seen it...but, you are precious. Thank you for your very kind words. I am so very happy to see you healed and living out your dreams :) What an answered prayer!
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