I'm not good in the kitchen. This isn't a surprise to many of you, I'm sure. Especially my bffs, my parents, my husband...okay, not a surprise to anyone. That said, I kinda like baking. It's alot like a chemistry experiment - you know, you throw a bunch of stuff together and add some heat (or cold, or room temp), and poof, something happens. The "something" is the variable for me! Ha ha. You never quite know what you're gonna get. We've established that I'm not a big fan of the unknown (unless I'm running a new path), so I just decide to sit, soak, and sour and not cook. But, Christmas brings out the big heartedness and the frogginess in me, so here I am...baking. I love lists...so, here are some quick things that I learned today:
1. If your three year old drives you nuts to help and you expect him/her to stay with you and help the whole time you are baking...it's not gonna happen. A couple of things will get poured & then it's on to the next big thing.
2. Dora candy canes and Dora applesauce are more exciting than any cookies that you are making (unless they are chocolate chip).
3. Never underestimate the difficulty in making "little doodoo" cookies. No bake doesn't equal easy.
4. Cooking is an art. I'm pretty dang artsy. I sing, paint, and draw. I'm pretty animated and can write (according to some)...this said, I can't cook. Artistic abilities do not always cross over to other artistic genres.
5. Dirty dishes are the bane to my existence. I know that y'all are gonna laugh (especially because of my profession), but I hate to get my hands dirty. I feel a lump of vomit in my throat and get really gaggy when I have to dip my hands into the dirty water where the dirty dishes are. It disgusts me beyond belief to feel the food particles touching my hands.
6. The clean up is never really over. I always find some little place where there is a random bit of dough, oatmeal, confectioners sugar, or milk still to be seen.
7. I hate it with a passion, but I'm gonna have to say it (well, write it)...lowfat ingredients make your baking results gross. Yeah, there it is. Go big or go home.
8. How many ways are there to do milk? Vitamin D, chocolate, strawberry, fat free, 1%, 2%, buttermilk, sweet acidophilus, sweetened condensed milk (fat free, lowfat, and regular), evaporated milk (powdered or liquid), soy, soy chocolate, soy lowfat, etc. Wow. Here's hoping that you don't choose the wrong one...it can mess up your baking, too!
9. Speaking of sweetened condensed milk (which I don't think that I had truly ever seen with my own eyes until this past weekend) - it is crazy thick, crazy sticky, and is the color of colostrum.
10. I get a little anxiety when thinking of people actually eating the stuff that I'm giving to them! I love giving it - because if I'm giving it, I think I've done an okay job and that it's gonna be yummy - but I totally picture the recipients giggling loudly with their families about the disgustingness of the food and making a big show of throwing it out - and the neighborhood dogs shunning it as well, and then I actually have to look the people in the face again, all while thinking that they enjoyed my treats.
So...if you are one of the lucky recipients of some of my baking ventures this Christmas, I wish you well. Know that they are from the heart and if you and your family got a hoot out of the grossness and your dog covered his eyes with his paws when you tried to give him a peanut butter bon bon...you can tell me - and we will laugh about it, together!
Merry Christmas...and a shout out to those Martha Stewart bakers out there...I'm a hater, in the best sense of the word! AND, if you want to give me several free home-ec lessons in 2011, I'll take 'em...(ahem, Jenny and Kristi W.).
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